.....

....

goodbyes
.
verbal equevalent to the period
.
end
.
if a period is a sign of an ended sentence
.
goodbye is the word for a friendship
.
forever to be changed by distance
.
of loves broken forever to be nothing
.
but wasted memory
.
period
.
a tiny insignificant dot
.
goodbye
.
a seven-letter not so insignificant word
.
let slide
.
comprehend it
.
let it sink in
.
goodbye
.
G O O D B Y E
.

POSER

To Nanay Toria

My beloved maternal grandmother passed away last February fifteen. I was a bleak day for us but we knew she is in a better place now. For her eulogy I was tasked to read a causin's poem. I've admired my Nanay ever since but looking back now made me admire her even more.

She was a strong willed woman. She believed in independence, in men and women being equal. She taught her children especialy the girls, to be self-reliant. In short she was a feminist without knowing it.

I remember i've been wanting to visit Bohol for a long time but I just didnt have the guts to go there without company. But last Monday 03/02 i decided to take the plunge. It's now or never. By Tuesday, after work I went straight to the Pier and bought a ticket for Bohol. I wasnt alone though, I brought my boyfriend along as a gift for his birthday. That was his first time to visit a place outside Cebu. Why the guts? I took into my heart Nanay's principle: If you have the guts nothing is imposible.

So there we were. Clueless about how to get around the island. Relying only on officemates serving as text tour guides. It was fun. We payed a habal-habal driver from Tubigon to take us around the island. My body is aching right now but its worth it all. All this i dedicate to the strong, proud spirit of my grandmother.

another light bulb in my head..

i'm fond of going to second hand bookshops like BookSale. There I dig through their bin full of magazines to look for interesting and informative magazines. As I've stated before, I'm a mag addict... My latest finds are mostly crafting mags... Like CRAFTZINE and CLOTH.PAPER.SCISSORS ... the photo of my copies are shown here. The mags pushed me to do more things craft-related. Looking at the mag stimulates creative juices in me. When my dgcam is fixed i'll be able to post my creations here.

And the funny thing is that its only when I came across these mags that I realized the thing I was doing with old books, altering them, had a name and that its actually considered an art. Since having the books i'm challenged to make my journal more beautiful and cooler

WARNING: They are not the type your grandma digs.. they are cool and simply stimulating. Ultra modern yet timeless. Too bad though I couldnt seem to find them in our bookstores for up to date editions..but if I could find one, maka afford kaya ko?

WHAT THA!!!!

When i started posting this blog I never really thought someone would read it so i dont really pay any attention to details or reread my post before publishing it but shocks!!! When i checked on it today I had no less than THE Ambeth Ocampo commenting on my entry about his books. Damn it was full of grammatical error and wrong spellings! (My entry I mean and not Prof Ocampo's comments.)Yikes! I edited the whole things and replaced some words and restructured some...

Anyway I do hope he'll produce more books. I'll be one o fthe first people to line up and buy it.

I'm still giddy with the comment and at the thought that he came across my posting on his books... hehehe...

I'm starstrucked.... obviously.

Buy me this book pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee.....

what i'm currently feeding my fried brains

Thanks to my job that requires nothing but for me to eat american insults and get paid for it, i can now afford to by books and can still have some penny to spare for drinking sessions and food trips. Unlike in college when buying a book means eating below my means. anyway as i was saying, since Powerbooks opened a branch in SM here in Cebu i've been buying books buy Ambeth Ocampo. So far i've read Aguinaldo's Breakfast, Rizal Without the Overcoat, Bonifacio's Bolo and Bones of Contention. I was so ecstatic when i came across Aguinaldo's Breakfast because i've been wishing to buy one since i first saw a copy in our MCTC judge's office. I used to go to my mom's office every afternoon so i can sneak into the judge's chamber when his not around so i can devour it. I never thought until then that Philippine history could be interesting. Reading it again after all these years I still felt the same fascination like before. Ocampo's writing and treatment of history is just so refreshing he is being educational without sounding elitest....and boring. Without sounding like an old boring history teacher that made us detest our history subjects. I couldnt find his other books but I do hope they'll come my way soon.

Reading his books makes me want to teach Philippine History. If i'll have the chance I certainly wont let it pass. If only history teachers and the books they use are as engaging as Ambeth and his works.... Aguinaldo's Breakfast awakened the hunger for Philippine History in me, Rizal Without the Overcoat made me respect the National Hero and eat my words about him being a US sponsored whatever, Bonifacio's Bolo made me even more determined about digging Philippine hisory and Bone's of Contention made me cry for Bonifacio and made him more human too. I just wish everybody would read history so they'll know how to act as citizens of this country... so we can all learn how not to run a country...its just sad to say that most of us today still failed to see what our duties as citizens. And that like Aguinaldo's officials, the politicians and our so-called leaders today are still running our country like those Spanish Colonialists assholes used to.

where shall i go next?

haha i was bored so i searched for pictures on google using the title to this blog...one picture caught my attention... is this a sign? yikes i've been contemplating about getting a post-grad course like maybe Law or Masters in Lit.. but anyway i'll say, i'll definitely consider going back to school... i think going back to school is really exciting... i'm gonna use my brains again and i bet this time i'll really be burrying my head in studies and not bum around like i did in college.. this time i'm gonna be a whiz...yikes...

THE HEART OF LIFE IS GOOD INDEED!!!!

Heath Ledger is dead. A very close ka tropa will soon be leaving for Singapore for the silver lining. And soon each of us will be quiting our jobs to go back to where we came from or to go to other places we've never been to before. Time can be cruel. Love can be hurtful. The thought of each of us starting over again is something scary but that's reality. I know we'll eventually find other gangs to hang out with and we'll all be reduced to mere names in each others' phonebooks. Faces of memories. Of time long ago. Of music, of beer bubbles, of merry chatters.

This is exactly what i hated most about meeting new friends. Long ago i used to be not so emotional about friendships because i've always known it'll eventually end as reality always does. i've learned to be weak since then and opened myself to being emotionally attached to people i'll eventually part with. i've accepted reality, i've learned to enjoy each moment because what is life made of? moments of course. and maybe this time i'll shed a tear or two-for the first time.

Lipon Anduyo Percussion Ensemble

Just saw this group perform in SM Cebu Northwing today...i must say they are simply cool. People actually stopped and listen. i stayed until they were done. it would've been cooler if the place was set for the performance but then again its a mall so the percussion wouldnt be as nice as say outdoors or the concert hall. anyways i wonder if they can make a performance where in they can let the audience participate aside from the usual clapping... anyways they were cool. not the usual guitar and drums set up...i love variety in music...

bucket list

i'm going on a road trip this year.

to bleed or not to bleed...

"to bleed or not to bleed. that is the question. and it is your decision."

i have this girlfriend who loves to fall in love. but then when the dude she falls for will express interest she would dismiss it as mere "pasakay". she ignores them and when they stop pursuing she'd get heartbroken. isnt it just plain stupid? thats why i dont get girls sometimes. they or rather, we confuse me. i'm tired of dishing out unsolicited advices on love and all that shit. i havae more shit to deal with. i dont ask for advice when it comes to my heart-related woes. i have me to admonish myself.

and right now i'm also overwhelmed with this decision about my work and my life as a whole. i want to my life to be under control it doesnt have to be by me. a Higher Being is needed in this case. i just want to stop living on the edge. i want it to be controled least i'll end up dead. *sigh* how i wish my woes are as simple as heartbreaks. i'd replace my current woe for a million heartbreaks and i'd still chose the latter. i'm sick of being me at this point. i just want to undo the tangles i caught myself in. that's all. please give me a million heartbreaks instead!!!

the smoke has cleared (somewhat)

later today i had this realization of what i want to do this year. i realized i wanted to taste what it's like to be a real teacher. i want to teach college this year. that's why i'm determined to take Masters. Preferably something that deals with Literature. I'm excited.

that realization hit me while i was browsing the classical literature section of National Bookstore. I figured i want to feel the excitement of discussing the writing that awakens the human side of me. i want to be mentally stimulated again. i want to focus on something that i really love. that is learning something new. i think i'll forever be a student. seeking to learn more as i get on with life. and for me to that the only job that will allow me that luxury is teaching. there' s just no other way.

so i figured that i must start checking on schools that offers something related to Lit. something i can attend this year. i'm really excited. i hope for the best.

it maybe wierd now but i seem to miss school. will at least those subjects i love anyway...