of quiting and regretting

there are a lot of stuff we spewed out, which can be blamed in part to to our naivete and the stupidity that comes with being a kid. stuff that sometimes make us cringe, or other times make us laugh at the sheer stupidity of it all. i think though it depends on what part of the day, the weather...stuff like that...sometimes you wonder if it could be the devil holding up to your face the reflecting mirror of the past...its makes me mutter courses under my breath, makes my wanna shout in anger at no one in particular...
the thing is i've said and done a lot of stuff like trusting the wrong people, saying the wrong things at the wrong time, making the wrong moves..mistakes that make us human... i realized that no matter how stuped those things maybe at least i learned something. and i get relief at the thought that its only natural...that for deciding against living under a rock this is merely one of the consolations Life throws at you...
as i look back i regret some stuff but i realized its wrong... regret is useless...i wouldnt help me at all...all i need it acceptance and forgiveness. accept that it happened and forgive myself for it...thats the one and only choice i have or allow myself to be destroyed by useless memories...

as the days go by...

i had a boring day today so i decided to go online..and what did i find out?
it really shocked me but one of my barkadas in college got married recently (dang she didnt even send me an invite)..anyway its really shocking sometimes coz this means we're growing old man...

i just saw the photos in friendster.com. it used to be that we were barely out of high school. and the funny thing was that some of our school mates actually thought we were into some lisbian relationship. ewwww. i mean i dont judge others who egnage in it but us?no way...anyway we've moved on since then...i wish all the best for her...

view from my hammock

i'm jobless and pennyless

but i'm taking my time

i'm taking it easy

there's no hurry

just go with the flow

i say...

views from my hammock

i quit.yes i finally quit my job and i couldnt be more happier! i thought i'd be sad but i'm not. I actually think i shouldve quit earlier....
I'm back at home and can go get a swim anytime i want, do what ever i wanna do. I'm back to begging for money from my mom but that's ok.right now i'm figuring out what steps take up next. right now i'm just taking it slowly. I still have to take care of a lot of things and i have plans but i'm in no hurry right now.... oh yeah!

THIS HAS TO STOP NOW!!!!

The uproar have ceased. Its all back to normal for this sick people. The news have moved on and so does for this murderers and liars. This people have terrorized the island of Dinagat. They have murdered and got away with it because these assholes are being protected by the corrupt politicians who care for nothing but the sure votes they will get from this cult's blinded members. Some who cant get out of thier clutches for fear of bloody retribution. A lot of people have gone a lot of horrors but where the heck is the government who sworns to fight for their behalf?

And the sickest part of all is that this people were actually given their own province!?How the heck do you think will they run it?

When will the world take notice again? when will the government take action? when will WE see their end?

.....

....

goodbyes
.
verbal equevalent to the period
.
end
.
if a period is a sign of an ended sentence
.
goodbye is the word for a friendship
.
forever to be changed by distance
.
of loves broken forever to be nothing
.
but wasted memory
.
period
.
a tiny insignificant dot
.
goodbye
.
a seven-letter not so insignificant word
.
let slide
.
comprehend it
.
let it sink in
.
goodbye
.
G O O D B Y E
.

POSER

To Nanay Toria

My beloved maternal grandmother passed away last February fifteen. I was a bleak day for us but we knew she is in a better place now. For her eulogy I was tasked to read a causin's poem. I've admired my Nanay ever since but looking back now made me admire her even more.

She was a strong willed woman. She believed in independence, in men and women being equal. She taught her children especialy the girls, to be self-reliant. In short she was a feminist without knowing it.

I remember i've been wanting to visit Bohol for a long time but I just didnt have the guts to go there without company. But last Monday 03/02 i decided to take the plunge. It's now or never. By Tuesday, after work I went straight to the Pier and bought a ticket for Bohol. I wasnt alone though, I brought my boyfriend along as a gift for his birthday. That was his first time to visit a place outside Cebu. Why the guts? I took into my heart Nanay's principle: If you have the guts nothing is imposible.

So there we were. Clueless about how to get around the island. Relying only on officemates serving as text tour guides. It was fun. We payed a habal-habal driver from Tubigon to take us around the island. My body is aching right now but its worth it all. All this i dedicate to the strong, proud spirit of my grandmother.

another light bulb in my head..

i'm fond of going to second hand bookshops like BookSale. There I dig through their bin full of magazines to look for interesting and informative magazines. As I've stated before, I'm a mag addict... My latest finds are mostly crafting mags... Like CRAFTZINE and CLOTH.PAPER.SCISSORS ... the photo of my copies are shown here. The mags pushed me to do more things craft-related. Looking at the mag stimulates creative juices in me. When my dgcam is fixed i'll be able to post my creations here.

And the funny thing is that its only when I came across these mags that I realized the thing I was doing with old books, altering them, had a name and that its actually considered an art. Since having the books i'm challenged to make my journal more beautiful and cooler

WARNING: They are not the type your grandma digs.. they are cool and simply stimulating. Ultra modern yet timeless. Too bad though I couldnt seem to find them in our bookstores for up to date editions..but if I could find one, maka afford kaya ko?

WHAT THA!!!!

When i started posting this blog I never really thought someone would read it so i dont really pay any attention to details or reread my post before publishing it but shocks!!! When i checked on it today I had no less than THE Ambeth Ocampo commenting on my entry about his books. Damn it was full of grammatical error and wrong spellings! (My entry I mean and not Prof Ocampo's comments.)Yikes! I edited the whole things and replaced some words and restructured some...

Anyway I do hope he'll produce more books. I'll be one o fthe first people to line up and buy it.

I'm still giddy with the comment and at the thought that he came across my posting on his books... hehehe...

I'm starstrucked.... obviously.

Buy me this book pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee.....

what i'm currently feeding my fried brains

Thanks to my job that requires nothing but for me to eat american insults and get paid for it, i can now afford to by books and can still have some penny to spare for drinking sessions and food trips. Unlike in college when buying a book means eating below my means. anyway as i was saying, since Powerbooks opened a branch in SM here in Cebu i've been buying books buy Ambeth Ocampo. So far i've read Aguinaldo's Breakfast, Rizal Without the Overcoat, Bonifacio's Bolo and Bones of Contention. I was so ecstatic when i came across Aguinaldo's Breakfast because i've been wishing to buy one since i first saw a copy in our MCTC judge's office. I used to go to my mom's office every afternoon so i can sneak into the judge's chamber when his not around so i can devour it. I never thought until then that Philippine history could be interesting. Reading it again after all these years I still felt the same fascination like before. Ocampo's writing and treatment of history is just so refreshing he is being educational without sounding elitest....and boring. Without sounding like an old boring history teacher that made us detest our history subjects. I couldnt find his other books but I do hope they'll come my way soon.

Reading his books makes me want to teach Philippine History. If i'll have the chance I certainly wont let it pass. If only history teachers and the books they use are as engaging as Ambeth and his works.... Aguinaldo's Breakfast awakened the hunger for Philippine History in me, Rizal Without the Overcoat made me respect the National Hero and eat my words about him being a US sponsored whatever, Bonifacio's Bolo made me even more determined about digging Philippine hisory and Bone's of Contention made me cry for Bonifacio and made him more human too. I just wish everybody would read history so they'll know how to act as citizens of this country... so we can all learn how not to run a country...its just sad to say that most of us today still failed to see what our duties as citizens. And that like Aguinaldo's officials, the politicians and our so-called leaders today are still running our country like those Spanish Colonialists assholes used to.

where shall i go next?

haha i was bored so i searched for pictures on google using the title to this blog...one picture caught my attention... is this a sign? yikes i've been contemplating about getting a post-grad course like maybe Law or Masters in Lit.. but anyway i'll say, i'll definitely consider going back to school... i think going back to school is really exciting... i'm gonna use my brains again and i bet this time i'll really be burrying my head in studies and not bum around like i did in college.. this time i'm gonna be a whiz...yikes...