i may be cruel but i dont think im sticking any longer with my current bf. its just not worth anymore. i mean he is nice and all that but the psychological stress our relationship has caused isnt just worth it anymore. i dont know how i'll view this in the future but i'm regretting it now.
i cant properly express what i'm feeling right now. i need to think of something else.
Monday, December 31, 2007
now what?
everytime i wake up the first word that comes to mind is "RESIGN". its really frustrating because that means everyday i force myself to go to work. in plain words, i'm not happy with work anymore. i just dont look forward it. i dread it like i hated course back in college. probably the only thing that gets me going is the money. i don't feel like being in here is right at all. I'm giving myself three more months and i'm quiting. i need to rewrite the routine. i'm not afraid to start over i'm more afraid of wasting myself away on something that's not doing any good to me. i feel like i'm gonna explode anytime soon.
and right now i'm still freaking out at not having the monthly bleeding. the thing is its always been like this since way back but being sexually active is a different story. its freaking me out right now and makes me wish i never got fucked but its too late now. i just pray right now that my prayer will still be heard and that i'll be givin the chance to start over and learn from my mistakes without wreaking havoc to my already dysfunctional family. man... i'm just afraid right now.
i checked on articles for possible reason why i missed my period aside from possible pregnancy. there's a high reason for me to belive i'm just stressed out but then only a pregnancy test can prove that and ease this uptight feeling. i cant go to any lab right now since they are closed and a home kit wont ease me iether. the thought that it may be giving me a wrong result will still bother me until i'll bleed again.
but what if...no! but what if? truth is i dont know what i'll do...i think i'm gonna die. i'll probably kill myself... God i wish i'm a kid again then i wont have problems like this. so mundane and stupid and yet my whole life and future depends on it...
truth is i just want to scream right now. i want to tell someone what i'm feeling but i cant and i dont have anyone to tell what i'm feeling right now anyway. his of no help. i told him about my worries but somehow it doesnt give me any comfort. i'm just angry right now at myself at everything. i just wish i'm never here.
and right now i'm still freaking out at not having the monthly bleeding. the thing is its always been like this since way back but being sexually active is a different story. its freaking me out right now and makes me wish i never got fucked but its too late now. i just pray right now that my prayer will still be heard and that i'll be givin the chance to start over and learn from my mistakes without wreaking havoc to my already dysfunctional family. man... i'm just afraid right now.
i checked on articles for possible reason why i missed my period aside from possible pregnancy. there's a high reason for me to belive i'm just stressed out but then only a pregnancy test can prove that and ease this uptight feeling. i cant go to any lab right now since they are closed and a home kit wont ease me iether. the thought that it may be giving me a wrong result will still bother me until i'll bleed again.
but what if...no! but what if? truth is i dont know what i'll do...i think i'm gonna die. i'll probably kill myself... God i wish i'm a kid again then i wont have problems like this. so mundane and stupid and yet my whole life and future depends on it...
truth is i just want to scream right now. i want to tell someone what i'm feeling but i cant and i dont have anyone to tell what i'm feeling right now anyway. his of no help. i told him about my worries but somehow it doesnt give me any comfort. i'm just angry right now at myself at everything. i just wish i'm never here.
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